I don't know how to do this. The emotions are scattered. Sometimes I am angry, sometimes I feel cheated, sometimes I am able to rest in my Father's arms. Tonight, at this moment, I wish my shoulders, back, and arms were aching still from holding my boy. The muscle soreness has diminished, and I don't like it bc it means I have not held my son as I did for almost 3 weeks. There is no little one crying out for me in the night. My sweet Julia is a great sleeper and doesn't typically need me at night except for a bathroom visit. My YuanYuan needed me though, I often had to pick him up at night and rock him back to sleep. I want to do this now...but God had other plans. And right now, although I know, that I know, that I know, that my God is good...I don't like His plan. I continue to ask God to be near though...He is my only hope. He is your only hope! He was YuanYuan's only hope.
"Oh love that will not let me go, I rest
my weary soul in thee..."
Erica..I feel your pain although I can not possibly really know what you are going through. I cry for you every day and wish I can help in some way. I don't like His plan either but I know that if John Thomas had only a short time to know a mothers love,then He knew what mother it should be!! Love and prayers. Kathie
ReplyDeletePraying for you so much, sweet Erica! I just ache for you - I know Jesus will carry you though. Praying you grow closer and closer to Him every minute and that He washes His peace and comfort right over you. I agree with Kathie - you were chosen to be JT's mama of all the mamas out there ... God knew a mama would hold him for only a short time here on earth and He chose you. I have never gone through anything as difficult as what you are going through, but this spring we had some adoption heartache ... and I listened to this song over and over... just in case it comforts you, too, I thought I'd send the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0ip40j82ws ... praying sweet friend! And if you need a little Chinese baby to carry around, I will bring Kate over... sounds like she and YuanYuan have some things in common - once they got a mama, they like some holding action!!! Praying...
ReplyDeleteMy sweet baby sister..I love you so very much. I so wish that I could do something to help ease your pain. Know that I am here for you anytime of the day or night that you need me. Just call and I will be there. You are in my constant prayers.
ReplyDeleteIsaiah 41:13(NIV)
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Praying for your family
ReplyDeleteMay God give you His peace that passes all of our understanding. You are being prayed over.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is broken for your family. I prayed so hard for those batteries, and I will pray hard for you as you long for your son. Jesus come quickly...
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ReplyDeleteWe are praying for your entire family!
ReplyDeleteErica, even though I don't know you IRL, I've been so touched by your journey and your story. God's ways often cannot be explained, but please know that your--and JT's--life is bringing God glory, even through grief. Blessings to you and your entire family,
ReplyDeleteAmy
Dear Erica, Not five minutes ago I was crying out to God for you and yours. My heart felt like it would break. I truly believe our loving Heavenly Father let's us feel a pinch if your pain so we can lift you, Aaron and the family up to Him. I cannot fathom what you are walking through right now. I just will continue to pray with and for you. I pray God's Holy Spirit pours over, through and in you today.
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry, and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my prayers. My family and friends are also storming Heavens gates for comfort for your aching heart.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so very sorry. We came home from China just 4 days before you, and it broke my heart to hear your story. God has woken me up many times in my jet-lagged nights to pray for you. One thing I do know . . . you will see your sweet J.T. again, and he will know his mama.
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